Rather than make you wait for it, I thought I’d start with those women who apparently missed the memo that color was not to be worn to the Golden Globes. They not only wore color, they did so badly, managing to be named the worst-dressed on many lists. Perhaps that was their goal as I never heard of either one on these ladies:
Apparently Blanca dates John Savage and she had a similar cha-cha bearing dress at the Oscars last year:
Next up, the ladies who wore pants. I am not a big fan of the hybrid pants with tails look as it seems like mix and match grab bag:
Next-up, the women who wore t-length or short dresses. I usually adore Elizabeth Moss but she looked so conservative as to be frumpy. SJP, what a hodge-podge this look was and the sleeves were so odd; Heidi is just a bad dresser and this dress was no exception; Hallie, gorgeous woman but for some reason this dress didn’t seem right for the occasion, almost like a sexy nightgown. I also thought she needed to add some lipstick to her look but her skin is flawless.
This next section is the Lace and Leg Ladies: Kerry Washington looked amazing as did Penelope Cruz. I hated Kate Hudson’s dress as it looks like she is wearing Granny panties.
The One Shoulder or Halter Dress Ladies: Reese looked basic but her hair was blah; Rachel is fantastic in the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and won a Globe but her hair was too severe; I liked Tracee’s dress but the turban was too much; the looks I really liked were Mandy Moore (loved the red sash at the waist and the earrings), Mary J. looked amazing as did Naomi and Diane Kruger who was uber glam. Sarah Paulsen never quite gets it right as the skirt looked like Rayon and Julianne needs a piece of fried chicken as she is WAY TOO SKINNY and if you look skinny on the carpet full of the stick figures that live in Hollywood, that is saying something.
The next group is hard to categorize. Some were eyesores and others were fantastic. As usual Nicole looked lovely as did Laura Dern. I can’t decide what I thought about Allison Janney. Her hair and make-up were perfection and she looked very good in her dress. It seemed very Haute Couture on her so I give her an “A”. Margot looked beautiful but her dress was just a tad too embellished and I really liked Viola’s necklace and her hair was rockin’.
Next up, those genetically gifted ladies who stood out on the red carpet: Gal Gadot is stunning; Zoe is gorgeous and I never thought I would say it but Dakota Johnson was the winner. Her dress was stunning from the front and the back and her hair and earrings were on point. Applause for her.
Finally, and without further ado, I give you the ladies who were BAD in black: The adjectives I would use for the various dresses featured below include “frumpy, heavy, dowdy, and desperate.” The one woman looks like she is channeling Slender Man with her long sleeves; that actress from Highlander looks like she is wearing scrunchies on her upper arm, Angelina looks like she borrowed a dress from the Lucille Ball Collection and Catherine Z gave us too much information – but Connie B. may take to prize for donning the words “poverty is sexist” scrawled across her bosom. I had enough lecturing from the stage and on the red carpet to last a lifetime so the added declaration on her top was the straw that broke this viewer’s back.